25 August 2010
20 August 2010
18 August 2010
16 August 2010
10 August 2010
I have lost two children in the past 11 months, so I have two biggest heartbreaks. My son Rowan passed into Jesus' care on August 17, 2009. I was 13 weeks and 2 days pregnant. At the time I thought it was the saddest day of my life, and I was sure it would never get better. Then, in March of 2010, I found out I was pregnant again. This time would be different, this time we had proper care... However, I have an incompetent cervix, and on June 15, 2010, I was to have a cerclage to help keep the baby where he should be until closer to my due date. But instead, at 17 weeks pregnant, my water broke. I was on bed rest for two weeks and Levi Matthew was born on June 28, 2010, at 19 weeks. He passed away on June 29th. This was the saddest day of my life thus far. Levi reached out and grabbed my hand, took in a few tiny gulps of air and then left me for Heaven. Heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe it.
I wish that everyone knew that my children were in Heaven. It would make meeting new people easier, there wouldn't be that awkward silence when they ask if we have kids... It's so terrible having to ruin someone's day because they ask me about our kids, or the necklace I wear with their names on it. I am not in the business of making others comfortable, and pretending that I'm 'doing okay.' Most days I don't even know what that feels like, but I am also not in the business of ruining days, or making women cry because they feel so sorry for me. So yeah, what I wish is that everyone just knew my story.
I had to think really hard about this...I really like myself. Of course there are physical things that I sometimes wish were different, but really for me I think I'd like to change my worrying habits. I can turn the tiniest bit of nothing into a mountain. I read a quote the other day that said something like, 'making molehills out of mountains.' I'd like to be more like that... I guess it is deeper than worrying, and really my faith that needs the attention. I believe in Jesus, and all that He says, but after the deaths of my babies it has been hard to reign in my worries and keep myself grounded.
06 August 2010
R.A. Says: I’m a Michigan girl, born and raised, a late 20-something new mom who happened to meet my husband T while in school at Michigan State working at the Turfgrass Library. We used to joke about getting married and having babies before we even started dating and look what happened next - jokes lead to reality. T and I got married October 21, 2007 and welcomed our daughter in January of this year. Our little Bird is 6 months old and teaching us the ins and outs of this parenting thing, and she is a taskmaster.
T says: She knows what she wants and she doesn’t put up with any guff, she has a sensational smile, a great big heart, beautiful bright eyes, a mild obsession with babies (even though we have our own), she’s mortally afraid of spiders, captivated by simple fashion, has resisted getting a DSLR camera (so far), is a dedicated mama and a supportive wife.
if you had one "Do-Over", what would it be?I wouldn’t have been so “in love” with silly boys in high school. I would have spent more time with my girl friends and just had fun and not worried about dating or any of the drama that came with it...and boy was there a lot of drama with me!
what is your favorite thing about yourself?If I want something bad enough, I go after it with all my heart, nothing deters me. It was true for me with my education, with my husband, even with us getting out of debt. I love when I’m on fire for something.
what is the most dangerous thing you have done?I moved across the country after college graduation, from Michigan to Los Angeles, CA, with no job, no friends in my new location, very little money and lots of ambition. I rented a room in a house, in a not so desirable neighborhood, sight unseen (Craigslist doesn’t count) and on my first night there encountered someone we nicknamed “No Pants” (I’m sure you can guess why!) Within 3 months I had a job in advertising, a few friends, and many great stories to tell the folks back home.
what is the one thing you wish everyone knew about you?Even though we don’t talk every day like we used to and we’re all spread out over the country, I miss my close girlfriends from back in the day, every single day. Every. Single. Day. With a passion. I miss our antics, I miss just hanging out and being silly. I know we’ve all grown up and such and can’t get those times back but I really hold those memories dear to me. The great thing is that when we get together, it is just like old times.
if you could pick your death, what would you chose?One of my biggest fears is to die in a catastrophic, painful manner. I would love to die “Notebook” style, asleep with my husband when we are old, minus the Alzheimer's.